To See or Not to See: Taking Wedding Photos Before the Ceremony

Why do I only have 3 photos of myself and my groom alone from our wedding day? Because I failed to plan, and you know what that means. I planned every single detail of my day. My timeline was to the minute, color coded and given to all important wedding slaves. I covered it all… from when each BM walked down the aisle, alternating from two doors to the outdoor ceremony, to when the toasts should start and when to have the desserts brought out. I covered every detail… or so I thought.

This was 9 years ago, I was just starting to transition my graphic design business into a photography business. I spent more time meeting with photographers and pouring over websites than any other vendor. When I found THE ONE (no, not my hubby, my photog), I felt complete peace. Utter trust. Ooooo – naivete. I really thought that he would completely handle the timeline of the photos. I assumed he would organize the group shots and be timely about it. I made sure we had a full 53 minutes after the ceremony for photos. I was wrong… and in a film captured wedding with only 320 some frames SHOT, out of the 250 some frames that he proofed for us, I have 3 images of the 2 of us. T H R E E ! They are within seconds of eachother and… well… honestly, I still get upset thinking about it so that is why I am dedicating my first BridePop blog post to the question all brides my face: to see or not to see?

When I got married in 2001, things were different. The blogosphere had not exploded. Sharing wedding images online was really in infancy and the concept of shooting any photos with your groom before that wedding band was on was just not popular. But now, the discerning bride, who prioritizes the visual capture of her wedding, must pick her side of the fence on this important wedding decision. As a wedding photographer, I know that your most treasured images are by far the ones of the two of you alone. When I design albums, I over emphasize the shots of just the couple. Perhaps this is from my own bad experience, but none of my brides have complained. When brides send me their favorite images, a huge chunk of images are of the two of them. What would you want to print for your home? A giant canvas of the centerpiece or an incredibly romantic or artistic shot of the two of you?

I now have two little boys. They love the two wedding photos I have in our house. As much as I don’t LOVE them, they are hugely important. They show the boys that mommy and daddy were and ARE still in love. It’s an anchor piece in our home. So when you plan your wedding day timeline, PLEASE consider the time you allow for photos. I believe in maximizing efficiency in your time for photos so you aren’t rude to your guests, but that’s another post. The matter at hand is tradition.

Why do we hold to this tradition? Tradition is always empty and meaningless when you don’t know why you do it or how it started. If you research that and feel it is right for you – then don’t see each other. As a Baltimore wedding photographer, I find that this tradition is fading in our area. Perhaps it is still more of a southern tradition? If it’s not that black and white for you, then here’s a little help. I like charts and am a visual person, so I made a little graphic for ya:

OK, so I am a little biased. But remember, I trusted my professional photographer and it didn’t seem like he had thought of any of this.

A wedding ceremony is this odd mix of intimacy and public celebration. It’s about the two of you becoming one… but in front of many. Most couples will agree that at the end of the wedding, they look at each other and say, “Wow. Hi! We’re married!” realizing that while they have been together all day, they haven’t had any quality alone time. It is romance that brought you to the marriage in the first place, and often times weddings seem to be the least romantic day. I observe tons of weddings a year. The weddings that have the best photos of the bride and groom are the ones who see each other first (or a least really make their couple photo session time super private). I get more comments on the photos of couples who see each other first than those who don’t. Why? Because it gives you a chance to connect with each other and focus in on what you are about to do. It may be the only time you are alone on your wedding day until you are in the car leaving.

As a photographer, I LOVE to make incredible photos during your day. To remove as many inhibitions as possible, I make sure NO ONE can see the photo session taking place. I also request this privacy after the ceremony, but strictly guard that time before the ceremony. If seeing each other before hand makes you both more relaxed, that will naturally translate into better photos.

About 15 minutes into shooting the two of them alone.

I know what you’re thinking… normally, the first obstacle a bride has to overcome is the notion of his expression when he sees her in her dress for the first time. I always say that expectations are premeditated resentments. Expecting an emotional reaction from your groom may set you up for disappointment. I couldn’t wait to see Pete’s expression as I came down the aisle (er, outdoor pathway aisle type walk). Yet, it was far enough away I couldn’t really see his reaction. In reality, I didn’t see it live because I was focused on my dad holding my hand, passing by my mom and sobbing sister, hoping I didn’t trip on the front of my dress or fall into the fountain… I was distracted more than I thought I would be. But had we seen each other first, I would have not only seen his reaction to my dress, but we could’ve talked and hugged and connected. I’ve never had a couple who regretted seeing each other first, but many who choose tradition do wish they had more time later.

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In the end, it is your decision to take wedding photos before the ceremony or not, and you should not be pushed by anyone to move away from what you feel comfortable about. In the same token, I urge you to talk with your photographer about their view on this. When I am given time to be creative, my passion lets loose . At the same time, I am used to working under pressure and enjoy the challenge of The Crunch (what I call that sliver of time between ceremony and reception where I must work magic in order to avoid smiles like Velveeta and plastic Ken and Barbie poses). If anything, I hope this blog post sparks conversation between you and your fiancee and your photographer.

To see or not to see, that is the question:
Whether ’tis nobler in the timeline to suffer
The slings and harrows of the cocktail hour,
Or to take arms against a sea of minutes
And, by posing, end them.

(my lil adaptation of Hamlet)

Kimberly Brooke is a photographer in the DC/Baltimore area. She can also be found on twitter.